Telling the Truth in a Memoir

Every person has a life made up of choices, successes, failures, and moments ranging from ordinary to extraordinary. When deciding to write about these in a memoir, a common question arises: how much of this story should be an accurate reflection of what happened? How much can be a retelling or reinterpretation reshaped by our memories?

When readers dive into someone’s personal history, they often expect a behind-the-scenes look at their life – the truth of a memoir. However, it’s worth noting that memoir writing isn’t simply about stating the facts but also capturing the feelings behind them.

In this blog, we delve into telling the truth in a memoir, exploring the balance between getting the details right and conveying the emotional truth that gives a memoir its depth.

How True Does Your Memoir Have To Be?
The truth of memoir writing involves understanding the difference between literal truth and “emotional truth.” The idea is that it’s okay if you cannot recall every minute detail of your experiences. What matters more is capturing the essence and significance of the events you recount.

In many ways, our lives are a collection of stories we tell ourselves. We arrange our memories to fit a logical order, create patterns, and seek deeper meanings in seemingly random events. This enriches our lives’ written stories rather than diminishing their value.

As Tracy Kidder and Richard Todd wrote in Good Prose: The Art of Nonfiction, the goal in memoir writing is to “tell the stories as accurately and artfully as your abilities allow.” The basic facts around a life event (What, Who, Where, and When) must remain consistent between storytellers, but the How or Why may differ.

In the end, it’s the personal interpretation, the emotional resonance, that breathes life into these narratives and makes them compelling and relatable.

Telling the Truth in a Memoir: Accuracy vs. Honesty
The truth of memoir writing is that it often involves fabrication to a certain degree. It’s practically impossible to provide an unbiased view of your own life. Human nature colors our perceptions with our emotions, experiences, and biases.

Moreover, our present perspective inevitably influences how we recall and write about past events. We view the past through the lens of our current understanding, adding layers of interpretation to events that may have occurred years ago.

Unlike machines that record facts objectively, we are human beings with souls. At the end of the day, our souls shape our interpretations of events, molding them into a personal truth unique to us – and expressed in a way only we can.

These, along with the fact that real-life events rarely unfold in a neat, coherent narrative, make memoirs interesting. They are recollections that may not always align with factual accuracy but share emotional truth, allowing readers to see what it feels like to be the writer.

Memoirs go beyond a mere recitation of facts. Instead, they delve into the emotional landscape of personal experiences.

It is essential to be careful when writing your memoir and include details that facts can support. However, overly fixating on literal truth can lead to a narrative needing more personal depth. A story focused on factual accuracy might become a mere chronological list of life events – accurate but not necessarily compelling or inspirational.

When Memories Fail: Filling in the Blanks
The passage of time can make memories of certain events in our lives fuzzy. This is why it’s perfectly acceptable and even expected for memoir writers to fill in some of these vague details to make a story feel complete. After all, readers don’t anticipate an exhaustive documentation of every moment in your life when they read your memoir.

Instead, they crave a narrative that immerses them in the essence of your experiences.

However, the details you filled in to complete your story should not be pivotal to the core of your story. You may introduce speculative elements to enhance the narrative, but these should not change the key moments in your life and compromise your memoir’s authenticity.

Using Literary Techniques in Memoirs
When writing novels, novelists build scenes upon each other to lead toward a climactic point. In their editorial process, they might trim characters, compress timelines, or omit scenes that don’t actively move the narrative forward to ensure the story is tight and compelling.

The thing is that life, unlike novels, is rarely so neatly arranged.

Is it alright to borrow literary techniques from novels to heighten tension and enhance storytelling in memoirs? The answer is a nuanced yes. Take, for example, a memoir chronicling a rags-to-riches journey. There’s no need to delve into every job you ever worked. Selecting the most compelling ones is enough for readers to grasp the essence of your story. Still, it’s crucial to remain close to the truth. Avoid altering reality excessively for the sake of drama or exaggeration.

Know – and Remember – the Memoir’s Purpose
Before you begin writing, it’s best to take a moment to reflect on your motivations. Ask yourself the hard questions. Are you telling the truth in a memoir to justify your actions? Are you trying to put the blame on someone else? Or maybe you wish to present yourself or your family in a more favorable light?

It’s crucial to be honest with yourself about why you’re sharing the specifics of your story. Here are some noble reasons for writing a memoir:
1. Recording your history. Share your life story as a legacy for your family and friends.
2. Sharing wisdom and truth. Use your experiences to impart wisdom and truth in a way that resonates with your readers.
3. Encouraging and inspiring. Motivate and inspire those who have faced similar challenges.

Remember, writing a memoir means exposing your life’s highs and lows. It’s okay to depict yourself in less-than-flattering moments. As the author, you shouldn’t strive to be the hero of your story. While you may employ elements similar to those in a novel, you do not need to structure your narrative around The Hero’s Journey.

Staying true to your purpose will guide you in sharing both the literal and emotional truths about your story in the best way. Whether you want to leave a legacy, impart wisdom, or inspire others, let those intentions guide your storytelling. This clarity of purpose will help shape the authenticity of your memoir.

6 Helpful Tips for Telling the Truth in a Memoir

Practicing the following can help you write about the truth of a memoir while achieving your ultimate goal.

1. Embrace the Subjective Nature of Memory
Acknowledge from the outset that your memoir is written from your perspective and that memories can be imperfect. This can be addressed in the foreword or introduction, setting the right expectations for the reader.

2. Conduct Research
Before diving into writing, you can spend time gathering photographs, letters, journals, and official documents that can fact-check and supplement your memory.

3. Interview Family and Friends
Reach out to others who were part of the events you are recounting. They can offer additional insights and help clarify details, contributing to your memoir’s overall accuracy.

4. Reflect Deeply and Write Honestly
Dedicate time for introspection to accurately capture your emotions and motivations during the period you are writing about. While easier said than done, strive to be transparent about your feelings and thoughts – even if they reveal imperfections or vulnerabilities.

5. Consider the Impact on Others
Be mindful of how your account of events affects those featured in your memoir. While honesty is essential, it is equally important to approach sensitive subjects with empathy and respect.

6. Acknowledge Ambiguities
If you encounter conflicting accounts or unclear memories, it’s better to communicate these ambiguities to the reader rather than presenting an uncertain recollection as the absolute truth.

A Memoir’s Truth Is More of Connecting With the Human Journey We All Share Rather Than Getting the Tiniest Details Correct
Truthfulness in memoir writing doesn’t necessarily mean filling the story with factual details. In the end, the power of a memoir lies in its ability to convey both literal and emotional truths. It’s about finding a balance where the story is both true to the facts and rich in personal insight, allowing your readers to not just know the events but also feel the essence of your lived experiences.

If you’re ready to write a memoir that captures your most memorable experiences and connects with your family and friends, consider using LifeStories for a more straightforward process. The tool allows you to pick out your preferred color scheme for your book cover, gives questions to help you write your stories, and lets you review your manuscript before receiving your hard copy. Buy LifeStories today or try it out for free for 14 days.